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Gluten Free..

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I love cheese on toast, I used to eat it nearly every day,, well actually cheese melt, cook toast. smother with butter and add cheese and microwave, I love the feel and taste of the melted butter with the gooeyness of the cheese.

Well I had some yesterday and within a couple of hours my tummy bloated so much my trousers were really tight and I looked like I wanted to give birth to twins..

Because I have always eaten it I have never noticed that most the weight I had on me was cause I was bloated. Now that I am in tune with my body and I can see what affects me.

I also have not had cheese in a while and my flauctuants has  been fine, I eat dairy, and I think I can give dairy a miss also esp. cheese.

I often talk about being in tune with your body it is so important to listen to what your body is telling you when it comes to food.

 

So that is the end of my love of cheese on toast, I really didn’t like the way I felt afterwards. during was fine.. mmmm… but the aftermath lasts way longer..

 

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Weekly Wednesday, The Week That Was.

Hi all, sorry for the delayed post, has been a hectic week with Easter just around the corner it has come to me fast.

Once again Richard has sent me a weekly task today Mon, Wed, Fri but not there Friday. I did Mon, Wed, both full body work outs. I have also done another task from the wall which got me doing bur-pees I am not a great fan of burpees but I did them. Always important to push past your I don’t likes and this is too hard. The other thing I have started this week is Chris Powell’s plan of eating. My body has being stable now since just before Christmas and I need to shake it up a bit. So I am hoping this will work. But it is also Easter so I will start properly on it next week. I have done a few days this week to get it into practice.

Right Scales, my take on them,

Scales, Measurements, clothing,

As humans we do like our numbers, I see so many people say I have not lost or I have put on but i am doing all the right things, firstly have you plateaued. People weighing themselves every day, the scales can fluctuate from having a glass of water or even not going to the toilet. Scales should be used sparingly, When you first start to diet when you are not going to the gym and using weights, scales are good at the start to find your starting weight, Some people say weekly, some say fortnightly and some say once a month.

Now here is what I have found out over the last 2 years. Well probably more than that as I already know about scales but this next bit has been as eye opener. Oh and I am still learning.

There is a pattern; I am going to show you the process most of us go through.

When we first start the process of losing weight, we go ooh I need scales. We have already said to ourselves oh our clothes are tight we must do something. If our clothes are tight why do we insist on scales and not our clothing?

So you have started to lose weight you have jumped on the scales it tells you x amount. You have been eating well and the scales are moving nicely. Then they start to slow down. You think ooh I need to do something else you jazz up your eating, and also think maybe I should start to exercise. Now at this stage this would be a good time to get rid of the scales well for a while any way and this is why. When you start to exercise and do strength training you are going to tone. Your scales do not tell you that you are decreasing fat and you are making your muscles stronger and denser so thus making them heavier, but what it does do is decrease measurements and that is a good thing.  This is where so many people get frustrated with the scales. I threw mine out, you don’t have to go that far, but change your idea, think of it bit like a video game and having levels. First scales where you are working on your eating, now you have good eating and you are now working out, so now you go to the tape measure as this is going to give you a much better reading. But also when you are going through this faze that you will tone up in areas that you are not measuring, Neck, arm, chest, tummy, hip/butt thigh and you can do calf but I did not worry about that as I know it will go bigger before getting smaller.

But I also noticed that my face, fat around elbows, behind the knees, and a few other places that we don’t measure changing, The idea is to get in tuned with your body get to know all the parts that belong to you so that can see the changes. This level will happen for a while, but during this time you will have all sorts happen, and give your body time to catch up. You will be putting your body through stressors that it has not encountered for a while or never before. I was on this level for about a year; I am taking this process very slowly, losing about a kilo a month. It has taken me 34.5 years to make me the way I am physically and mentally this way so I want to make sure I am learning to change me in a good way.  I am coming up 37, and I am still learning new things about my body what is good for it, trying new ideas.

Eventually your body will come to a slow pace with the measurements, this means you are getting close to your goal weight, you will also know this cause you have probably gone through a few different sizes for clothing. This will be a good indicator that you will be close to your goal weight.

I have two thoughts on this next stage as I am on just going through the process now and it will come down to what you perceive as the right track to take.

First because you have got to the size clothing that you wanted do you really need to bring in the scales? When you have gotten to the size clothing that should be enough now you’re in tuned with your body you might see it that you may want to go down another dress size. Then keep eating healthy, keep going to the gym keep jazzing up your workouts every 4-6 weeks keeping your body waking up and not getting used to the same routine and you will eventually get to the next dress size.

Or are you wanting to lose to a specific number, this is where you bring back the scales, you want to know, but please once a week at a minimum, once a month would be better as the last 5kg are the hardest to lose and can be very frustrating, but as long as you are continuing your body will get there, if you have lost 20kg + your body wants to get to know itself in this new way let it. Take time out every now and then to reassess where you are at, giving your body time is a good thing. But see where your path is leading you.

 

Weekly Wednesday And The Week That Was.

Well this week has been a very quiet week in the way of healthy eating, fitness, etc.

I would like to say I have now lost 20kg on Friday I did weighed in and low and be hold the needle was sitting on 88kg that made me very happy.

I have been under some stress this week, my eating has been not very good at all, I do feel that my 20kg lost is creeping back up. I did not go for a hike on Sunday, but I did go to the cultural festival on Saturday where I walked a lot. I did not go to the gym on Monday but went on Tuesday, where I did a good full body work out and I have found a tread mill work out which each day is quite long but I am breaking them down. When I go into school holidays I will go twice a day and will do the treadmill routine in the morning full and then normal work out in the afternoon. But time restraints mean I must have good time management in the gym. 

Richard gives us challengers, I am pleased to say I have done this week and that was to do two routines off the wall. Which I have done.

The challenge from last week is still work in progress due to my shoulder still plays up now and then and the challenge was to do 50 push ups, very frustrating to think I could do quite a few push ups fully and I am down to doing them on my knees I can do 30 with very straight back and my arms going 90 degrees. when I get to 50 I am going to go back to full ones and start again. I want to get to 50 full.

The treadmill I am doing has a task each day, I am running 2 mins at 9.5km and then 2 mins at 6km. feels good to be running at 9.5km as I used to have to run at 8km and I was puffed. My fitness has definitely gone up another level for certain things. I know I have a long way to go but every day I go is another step forward.

I have also been told that I am an inspiration again. I have been asked information on how to do weights, I have shown one person that there are treadmill work outs etc on the net so she can up her treadmill works and spice it up about. I have encouraged good healthy eating with others. I am becoming a turn to person for seen I am not going through a company but making this a full journey for life and seen I seem to have found a good formula as I have been doing this for years that works for me other are wanting guidance, I never thought I would be guiding others. I have looked into doing a course as a personal trainer but I have to go into course, or be working and get it that way I was hoping that I could do course work and do it at the gym I go to but will look more into this further down the track.

well this is the week that was. Keep it simple and let the world know your alive by bracing all opportunities that come along.

 

 

 

 

Weekly Wednesday And The Week That Was.

IMG_1031 IMG_1029Thursday saw us go and do the Tawa track, didn’t realise the walk down to the slip was extra so we have been dong 5km so today was Tawa track only which is 4.2km. As we were coming out two bus load of children came a long great to see so many people using the track, we had it to ourselves before they came.

Woo Hoo go me. I have achieved a goal. I am now in the 80kg range. Friday is weigh in day, was great to see the needle on the left of the 90kg. My Next goal is 20kg loss, so I have 4.4 go to.

Sunday saw us going for a bush walk, we did the Gorge track for the first time ever, just over 10km as we took in all the look outs.  My 11 year old daughter came with me.  We took 3.5 hours was really nice day we saw mount Ruapehu.

I really encourage you all when the weather is fine to look up walking tracks. Please remember bush safety. http://www.mountainsafety.org.nz    http://www.topomap.co.nz/    Here are websites for New Zealand. Please look for your country. 

Walking is a great way to get fit, and we all do walking around the roads, whether a day out shopping, walking the dog etc,  and often forget about the lovely walk ways that different groups for New Zealand it is conservation,  tramping clubs that look after paths and huts. They are just waiting for you to discover them.

They say that you plateau with food where your body does not change, where you keep going and going and nothing is changing. I have found that it also happens with working out. I was stuck in a rut doing lots and felt like I wasn’t going any where then all of a sudden everything has just become more easier.. (shhh don’t tell Richard). Just keep going if you find your not moving your struggling and getting frustrated jazz it up a bit hit that boxing back a bit harder walk an extra km/mile. I have found doing these big walks have really pushed me past my sluggishness. So please never give up.. keep going.. your worth it…

Today(Wednesday) I graduated from UCOL I did NZIM Management Certificate. I did a Graduation way in. 88.5kg 19.5kg. I will put photo up of what I wore. I wore this dress last year out to a nice dinner thought I looked great.. bahaha. more fool me.. Today I looked great the dress hung how it is supposed too.

I have finally realised that I am skinny I still have some to go but I am getting skinny. Has taken me a long time to realise this. I have had to over come many life long issues to get where I am today. But it is totally worth it. Today I was working out and today I felt like a fit skinny person. I have always wondered what it was like to be like the people on work out DVD’s. I have been hearing comments of how great I am doing and how I am an inspiration I am to people. I feel so humble to be and inspiration. I never dreamed in my life that I would be an inspiration to people. I am just me doing my weight loss my way and sharing my life with you all. I am pleased my life is helping others to improve theirs. Here are

some photos of me, gorge track, graduation.

2012-11-01 12.46.09 2013-03-11 07.31.08 2012-09-13 09.27.21 2013-03-11 07.29.52 2012-10-01 09.56.21 2013-03-11 07.30.32 2012-10-01 09.31.33 crop of me 2013-03-10 12.12.19 2013-03-10 10.36.19 2013-03-10 10.37.53 2013-03-10 11.51.59

Weekly Wednesday And The Week That Was.

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Well what a week,

Thursday was a bit of a lazy day, after dance class the night before, I got really tired, I did go to gym but I sat on the bike having a good chat with Richard.

Friday on the other hand oh my that was a work out and a half, boxing,  did the best work out really pushed myself was great.

I would like to say I have now lost 18kg..

Mini Goals:

Now I am down to my last 5kg I have introduced the scales, I am also breaking it down.

This is really important for achieving your goals, are your mini goals. I have been setting  daily goals or tasks ( call them what you will). It might be cut something out like butter, or to drink ex amount a day. I have reintroduced 30mins of gardening and house cleaning a day. Not only will this goal get my house and garden in order but will also help in my weight loss. There are many parts to me achieving weight loss the other side is where I break down the last 5kg, I am currently 90kg,

So my goals are:

  • To get into the 80kg range,
  • To loose 20kg
  • To get to 85kg

As you can see I am nearly at the 80kg range with will then in turn get me 1kg away from losing 20kg, which will get me to only needing to lose 3kg to get to my 85kg. It is easier to find little goals for these will work up to the bigger goal.

On Friday evening I went to a gathering to say good bye to Richard (personal trainer), and “oh my” because I was not in work out gear I was getting compliments, it was really nice. Has taken me a long time to accept compliments now that I am in a good space I know I can accept them because I know how hard I have worked to get here. Learn to accept compliments it is all part of losing weight and man does it make you feel good.

I have tried many times to do stir fry vegetables but they just don’t work out. So I have decided to stick to what I am good at steaming and boiling. Always good to learn new things but don’t get disheartened if you find it is you’re your thing.

I had white bread, I was craving the old ways, well white bread butter and melted cheese really badly so I ate white bread.. oh how yummy it tasted.. oh how much it has affected me.  Hit depression today over thinking. How gluten affects me really quickly it is horrible. Today being Monday has been a write off for me. So hard to concentrate I went and had a sleep for an hour and I couldn’t I just lay there my mind was in over drive. Why do I keep doing this to myself it is horrible. It is like poison to my body.  We are all human and we all have days. I treat these days as reminders of how far I have come. How much I have learnt about my body. What is good for it and what is harmful.

Well 2 work outs so far and man what a great bunch of people I work out with, we are all supporting each other and making sure each one is ok.  I have done boxing, weights, and today did a various workout. I have also been doing running and walking and biking. I have been going hard out this week, I need to keep motivated.

We went and did Tawa track again on Sunday we are enjoying that track. I hope to get out to Pohongina this weekend to do the beehive track. Been wanting to do it for ages.

Dancing tonight I am sure the new dance will come back to me.. fingers crossed.

Well that was the week that was, what goal are you going to set yourself.

Weekly Wednesday And The Week That Was

Well what a week,

Thursday saw us going for a hike, first part was up, paths and steps but what a view, Manawatu Gorge had a MASSIVE slip, and they have now done a loop track, so the children and I went with other homeschoolers and did this. I can now say yes I am a lot fitter but I still don’t like hills. I struggled at the start, but the rest was easy.  Oh the hike was nearly 2 hours. We would like to eventually do the full gorge walk.. will be good.

There were great views.  See photos.

So we have been upping the boxing of late, am loving it I would suggest anybody that goes to the gym find a boxing class..

I volunteer on a couple of committees,  Sunday just been we were at a family day, but on Friday I spent a lot of time on my feet making 100 mini gingerbread to put on our stall.. So Friday night I was shattered.

I have been working out hard this week last week with PT here, So next week will prove a few challenges for me but I will take each one as it comes.

Well had dance class tonight we learning new routine, hip hop this time was a lot of fun.

This morning I was feeling fat, I never tried my black trousers at the fist of this month so I tried again. Well I put them on and hardly had to suck my tummy in to do them up. Was a great achievement so I am going to keep trying to be able to wear them out and about.  So I now have revisited and spruced up my goal.

My food eating has not been that great and I have to start eating a variety of food I getting stuck into same routine and not that good of a one.  Variety is spice of life they say.

My routine at gym today was,  boxing, am really enjoying it worked out with another lady today, we held the bag for each other, ended up 500 punches doing about 4 or 5 different kinds of punches, and did 200 kicks am getting a lot fitter for it but we stand still no bouncing around.

This week also the reintroduction of the 20 minute challenge.  Oh dear I was 15cal short on the bike.. I you do various things like scissor jumps with weight, step ups, crunches, push ups etc, and then you do 100cals on the bike.. 20min came and went.. I hope to keep it part of my routine as we have not done it for a while and I did do it near the 19min mark. I will keep trying, I putting it down to end of the day, tired, not fuelling myself right.

Please folk make sure you fuel your body for your work outs. I have been slack with food and it has been affecting my work outs. I cannot stress enough about fuelling your body correctly to get the most out of your work outs.

Goals this year are:

  • To wear my black trousers in June I have a family gathering to go to.
  • Chest press 50kg

 

I am sure I will find other goals as I go along.

Well that was the week that was.  Keep it simple folks and see you next week. p.s follow me on twitter, I am going to start writing what I am doing at the gym. I am hoping this will keep me going if

Looking up at the steps.

Looking up at the steps. they go off to the left at the top. 

I am logging.. 🙂

There is a car or a truck down below there

There is a  truck down below there

At the bottom of the hundred steps

At the bottom of the hundred steps where the slip is. 

Weekly Wednesday and The Week That Was

Well what a week, but I have survived another one.

This week I had a blow, my Personal Trainer is moving out-of-town he is still keeping his business but to have his company move forward he needs to keep to his plan.. 19 months I have been with him, I have learned so much from him as he has from me.  I will continue my work outs I have come way too far for them to stop. So that was a bit for me to take in. I am not really one for change but I am slowly improving.

Well I am still chest pressing 26kg but I have gone up in weights for other exercises.  I did one extraordinary thing week I ran to the gym, I was kid-less so now when i am child free I am going to jog to the gym. Asked me two years ago if I would ever run to a gym I would have laughed. Now I can’t believe it I am doing it.

On the note for improving, something happened this week which tested me a bit. But I came out looking at the positives. I have found that I am seeing things really differently and for the better. Being gluten-free and getting rid of the brain fog, and doing a business certificate has helped me immensely. Working out has also improved my confidence.

I am not the weakling that I was in so many ways.

I was at a meeting for an organisation that my daughter is part off and I got talking to one of the leaders there and she mentioned an over something dance class.. Well I went, I stepped outside my comfort zone and I went. They have been learning a dance for the last 3 weeks and I went along tonight and I learned it tonight and kept up with them it was great. Afterwards the teacher asked if I had ever danced before because I did so well. Only dancing I do was with the kids when they were younger and in the nightclubs. So I will be going back LOVED IT. They do dances on stage at end of year with all the ballet, tap, modern, etc for the Christmas show they are also looking at getting this group out in the community more. I need more ways to build my self-esteem and confidence.

As the saying goes as one door closes another one opens. I was walking Tuesday and Thursday but due to my daughter being part of St John (recommend all kids go and join their local group if you have one), my walking had to stop. I did not want to go looking for something to replace I wanted what life had to throw at me next. Well, turns out one of the leaders from St John go to the dance group and she is the one that told me about it that she goes. So you just never know where your next hobby will come from.

Well my vegetable garden is in full swing. I am getting loads of blackberries and strawberries, tomatoes are ripening up nicely. I will be making soup in next few days. zucchini are still coming thick and fast and this year I have managed to get 3 cucumbers from my plant, I am still getting stuff of my dad also to help supplement my garden. So now we have beans to add to the mixture, so just waiting for things to grow.

So nice being able to go out to the garden and pick fresh produce the way Mother Nature intended it.

Cooking tip for the week.. wet a paper towel, take a few layers off corn cob and chop base. Wrap paper towel around and cook for 3 minutes delicious.

Well see you all next week, wonder what this week will bring.

 

Welcome to Wednesday, and the week that was..

Wow what a week, as we all know I am not a great fan of scales there are so many things wrong with them, but this week I went and brought me a cheap $10 set. They are just as good as any. Stand on and weigh sounds good to me, now you’re probably wondering why am I am using scales.

For  19 months I have been on this weight loss journey and I feel I have come to a standstill. I know that my weight has gone up I feel it in my trousers. I need not motivation but a way of keeping me on track.

So once a week for a while any way I will weigh myself.

Also I am using Myfitnesspal to track my food, I am not using anything else in there but for tracking. You can easily get caught up in that site. But is a quick way to keep track I am not putting the exercise in as I know the amount of calories to my works outs is right.

I have now got a friend of mine using the site also for tracking.

My son has been sick this last week. I have been really tired and not eaten well at all I have even succumbed to drinking coke to keep me awake. When you have a child with special needs and sick you don’t tend to sleep much. So this is where “bad” foods are required. If I had more support around me life would be bit easier. But I cannot always do that.

Well I have been having a lot of smoothies,  using blackberries, raspberries, strawberries from the garden.

Zucchini’s are abundant also at the moment, and made some tomato relish, onion from was from my father’s garden.

http://gegeblog.com/top-10-worst-processed-food-you-should-never-eat/3/  here is a website to check out.

Gym.. please look at this link, it show good etiquette for the gym. We all go to the gym and there are people out there that are just well rude, leaving stuff around, no patience waiting for machines and equipment etc, so please have a look at this link so we all can improve to enjoy our gym time.

http://www.dangerouslyhardcore.com/3951/the-dh-guide-to-gym-etiquette/

 

A high-risk waist circumference is:

A man with waist measurement over 40 inches (102 cm).

A woman with waist measurement over 35 inches (88 cm).

 

Here is a link on how to measure your waist properly, http://www.heartandstroke.com/site/c.ikIQLcMWJtE/b.3876195/

All these years I have been doing the BMI way but they now believe this is a much healthy way this shows that if you are over the cm you are in risk of heart disease and other diseases. Being in this cm area you will have lower stored fat and so healthier for you. Please go get a tape measure, watch the video.

I will let you all know I am at 93cm If I was male I would be fine but I am female so I still have 5cm to go.  This to me seems more realistic. The BMI has me at 5’9 being between 56-71kg. I am currently 92kg I know my body well and I know that when I get down to 80kg which I was quite a few years ago on one of my not so good   stints I look unhealthy. So I am going to go by the measuring and get between 80-85kg. If I can be in that range and have a 88cm tummy then I know I am healthy. Taking into consideration I do a lot of strength training also.

Talking about strength training, my wonderful personal trainer has found a great system to encourage strength training. I am now bench pressing wide grip 26kg and close grip 21kg next week I will go up again. Aim is 50kg. I am now doing 10kg pec fly first time yesterday. So I am back going forward at a nice rate.

I do have Tough Guy Gal again this year there is a wall you have to walk along, I am now working on combating my vertigo. Last year a man held my hand I hoping to do it myself. I take the kids to gym. There I have walked up a bench on an angle got half way up and walked backwards a couple of times, I stood up on the beam but could not move, I was at the park the other day and have wooden logs for fencing and my daughter and I were walking a long it. It was only about 2 feet off the ground but fact I was able to walk along it was good.

Well that is me for another week. Please have a look at the links.

 

Wednesday Post It

Hi to one and all, I have been missing in action, I have been really lost of late, I am sure we all get like that at times. For 3 years I have studied, for 5 years I have worked with my son, I have done a lot of researching I have been busy and full on for such a long time and lots have come to an end. No more study, I have things in place for my son, I have good plans in place for the running of he house. I have balance. But I felt lost, I have come to peace that life does not have to be full on. I am allowed to rest take nana naps and all be ok. I am still the same size I was this time last year, and I have gone back to using myfitnesspal.  http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ very easy way to log food and keep track. I can see how far I have come in knowing the importance of writing your food all food every morsel that goes into you is written down.

I am looking forward to Tough Guy Girl again that is in June, I am now bench pressing 26kg, my shoulder is better and I am aiming for 50kg, I have clocked out the bike at the gym, I did 100mins 135ocals 33 km.. was stoked, as I have been feeling bit blah and only been managing grade 5 on the bike and somehow from some where I pulled that out of the bag.. I am back .. full force like a steam roller, feel great to find that spark,

We all have time in our lives where we wonder what we are doing, it is good to rest reflect and refocus on who we are and what we are doing, we can get so caught up in life and it passes you by before we even realise. This has been to true for me of late.

The age-old go and smell some flowers, go for a walk, kick ball with the kids or read them a story, make a picnic and go find a field.. these moments in life are really important,

The children and I went for a walk to get an ice cream, we set out and 11km later we found a shop we walked long the river walk way across town. We were all tired at the end, but I have made a memory, go forth and start making memories.

Oh by the way my vegetable garden is producing well again this year, and list is longer than it was last year,  Have you started your garden yet and hows it going??

 

How I Became Friendless

Not sure how to write this but will do my best. For a long time I struggle with depression it started off with post natal and then just steam rolled into just plain old depression. I thought I could battle it myself which I have done really well the exercise is a great for making my endorphins swim through my body and making me happy.

When I first embarked on this journey of self discovery, of who I am and where I am wanting to head, one can never foresee the future, one can set goals and aim to sort their frame of mind out.

I have read stories of people leaving  their pasts behind, or people who have woken up one morning to realise they have pushed everyone away in sorting themselves out. Well I was at the gym before and I was seeing a group of girls there having a lovely time having a great laugh and realised my god I have not done that in such a long time just to have a good laugh with some friends.

My life since I split with my ex about 5 years ago as been depression, partying, night clubbing, my children, then it became, Autism, I am a mum of an Autistic boy and that has led my life in a way that I thought it never would. You close one door for me that was clubbing etc and I found the Autism door, you get a child with special needs in your house and you don’t realise how much of an impact it puts on a family unit, you can see it I have seen it for years and thought I understood, But really I had no clue what they would truly be going through. Even now I still don’t know what others go through as I have a great boy and is improving slowly. You could almost say that he started us on this healthy eating, he has such a limited diet as he wont eat certain stuff and he is allergic to other stuff, so makes it hard, but I started to read labels, that is when of course as you do start to meet other families and parents and it was another mother of a children with various needs introduced me to Richard my PT.

I also don’t really know how to do the friendship thing it is hard when I don’t understand the rules of that, so that makes it hard to have friends in the first instance. I have always been a loner and during my growing up it was hard to have friends I just followed like a sheep, but I am older now and I can see what having friends can be like. I feel like I am looking in from the outside as always.  I always used to think how cool it would be to have lots of friends when in reality all you need is one good one..

Well back to where I was heading, I have worked through a lot of stuff over the last few years, I have come far but as I am sitting here about to do my second to last assignment for my Intro to management course.

I am left wondering how do people become a better person and still have friends, good friends, a friend that they can call when the chips are down, or to hang out with when their kids are at their dads,

My life has had big changes in it i become that gym freak that I vowed I never would,

So here I sit with my new life my new body, fitter and healthier, money almost under control, happy kids.

But friendless I have acquaintances and they all on Face book, but I don’t actually have people to hang out with as in a friendly let’s go for coffee kinda way etc. I then wonder what is a friend has the word friend changed from what I grew up thinking a friend is. Is having people you have never meet but you short moments through status’s on the likes of Facebook and why is it so much easier to chat through there than to actually have to deal with people in real life. Oh the questions that surround the whole friendships thing is horrendous.

How could I not see this happening, I do know I was so wrapped up in me and my kids making sure they were fine and I was being sorted, and I do know it was easier to have people away from me whilst I did it.

I am a much stronger person now for it I am more confident, knowledgeable and wiser and I know what I want but I am still friendly I still want to have a laugh just like the girls in the gym.

Kinda makes me feel sad that I have come out the other side (even though I am still doing) with no actual friends.

Please remember this is my story this is my thoughts if you are on a self discovery journey yours will be different to mine, everybody is different, putting plans into place to that there is time for you and your friends is really important, to remind them that they are still needed in your life.

P.S if people read this and know me, this is how I feel..

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